he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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