no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
this boner is exhausting
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
