I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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