2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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