I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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