I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
