My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
try to milk me bitch
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
