Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
