Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
