My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
