He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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