Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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