your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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