this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
