I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
