We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
