I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
