I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
