The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
