five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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