It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
