I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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