Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just tell him i said nine months
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
