Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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