I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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