Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
