Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
