I'm really into asian looking animals
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
