new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize