I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone threw a dead crab at me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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