Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
