The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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