someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
