I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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