Too much gin, very little bucket
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
