On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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