Cold hands, warm shart.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
