the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
