if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
