I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i've created a new STD.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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