I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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