I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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