I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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