Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
