I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
