The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
