"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
