we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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