I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
