take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
