you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize