When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
