i can't believe i had my finger in that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
