I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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