Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
