Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
