i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
