forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
