Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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