I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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