Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
