I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.