She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you bring me the toilet please
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
