I'm lost and stupid without you.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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