saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?