Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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