FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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