reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.