Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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