How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?