You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
