can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
