i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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