How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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