I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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