So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
