New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
