do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She said her name was "party"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
