I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
