i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
