I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
