he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
