You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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