I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
